


Fox and Hound Go for a Swim

by rosecampion



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Bad Fic, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-05-15
Updated: 2004-05-15
Packaged: 2018-11-20 19:07:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11341506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosecampion/pseuds/rosecampion
Summary: Another in the "My First Slash Reader" series.





	Fox and Hound Go for a Swim

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

Fox and Hound Go for a Swim

### Fox and Hound Go for a Swim

#### by Rose Campion

  


Warning- Badfic, or humor, you decide. Yet another one in the "My First Slash Reader" series. 

Disclaimer- based off the kid's series "Frog and Toad" created by Arnold Loebel. We all know who the characters belong to. These story lines and characters don't belong to me. I'm just the sick puppy who tries to smush them together. 

pairing- Mulder/Doggett 

rating- PG-13, for innuendo. 

summary- Fox and Hound go for a swim. 

* * *

One day Fox and John decided to go for a swim. They went down to the river, no, not the Potomac River, but some other river. 

"What a day for a swim," Fox said as he started to strip his tight-fitting jeans off. 

"Yeah, it's a nice day," John said. "I'm just going behind these rocks and put on my bathing suit." 

"I don't wear a bathing suit," Fox said. "Well, not anymore. It kept getting stolen." 

Fox wondered why his suits kept being stolen out of his locker. It wasn't as if the skimpy red things were much better than no suit at all. Surely no one else would have stolen it to use as their own. 

"Well, I do," John said, snappishly. The sight of Fox in no suit at all was making him want to change into something much looser. He would be much happier in his swimming suit. "Hey, you gotta promise that you don't look at me until after I get into the water." 

This intrigued Fox greatly. And afterall, unexplained mysteries were Fox's bread and butter. Perhaps John's bathing suit made him look like a little green alien. There had to be some mystery with the suit and not just John without clothes. Fox had seen John without clothes many times, and though that was many things, it was not funny. "Why not?" he asked. 

"Because I look funny in my bathing suit," said John. 

Though Fox wondered if John looked funny ha-ha or funny like the way six month old orange juice tastes, he agreed to keep his eyes closed. 

"Don't peak!" John said. A moment later, Fox heard a splash. He opened his eyes. John was in the river already, up to his chin. Fox jumped in, a great big cannonball jump. John had to hurry and swim out of Fox's way. But then Fox had often been accused leaping before he looked. 

Fox swam fast. He was glad to get to swim. For some reason, he'd been banned from using the FBI pool when he stopped using bathing suits. John swam more slowly and splashed around. He wasn't banned from the FBI pool, but he would never go swimming around other agents, not with his swimming trunks. 

In fact, if he'd known that Dana was going to show up, he never would have agreed to Fox's idea of swimming. She had brought a lawn chair and a pair of binoculars, so as to admire the view. Of the landscape, of course. It would never have occurred to her to admire Fox in no suit at all. She didn't think about such disturbing things and neither should you. 

When John saw Dana, he swam until he was chin deep again and said to Fox, "Fox, tell Dana to go away. I don't want her to see me in my bathing suit when I come out of the river." 

Fox swam over to Dana. "Dana," said Fox. "You will have to go away." 

"Why should I?" asked Dana. "I had your baby and he turned out to be a little alien supersoldier and it caused all kinds of trouble. I think I deserve a little recreation." 

"It's John," Fox said. "He thinks he looks funny in his bathing suit and he doesn't want you to see him." 

The Lone Gunmen were sitting nearby. Frohike was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and leather half gloves for the occasion. 

"Oh, I invited some people along for a picnic," Dana said. 

Langly asked, "Does Dogboy really look funny in his bathing suit?" He was prepared with his digital camera. Perhaps if it was funny enough, the picture of John in his bathing suit might find a place in their new publication, the Magic Spitwad. 

Alex Krycek crawled out of the grass. You don't want to know what he was doing, hiding in the grass. Let's just say that he was in on the great conspiracy. That is, he knew where all the speedos were hidden and how they got that way. "If Doggett looks funny in his bathing suit,"then I for one want to see him." 

"Me too," said Monica. "I have not seen anything funny in a long time. Well, not since I saw you in a bathing suit, Frohike." 

"We want to see him too," said Kersh and Skinner. Actually, it was all of the ADs together, including Brad and that woman who always rolled her eyes at Mulder during meetings. 

"I'm sorry, John," Fox said. "It seems everyone wants to see how you will look. I'm sure they all can be adults and not laugh at your bathing suit." 

"Then I'm staying right here until they go away," said John. He wondered how he ended up going swimming right in the middle of what appeared to be the yearly FBI and Friends Picnic, but he could outstubborn anyone in the FBI, except for Fox Mulder. 

Dana and the Gunmen and Alex Krycek and the ADs and Monica all sat on the riverbank. The ADs all played pinochle to pass the time. The Gunmen kept jostling each other for the best view. But they all waited for John to come out of the water. 

"Go on, go away," John said. "There ain't no mystery here." But no one went away. 

John was getting colder and colder. He was beginning to shiver and sneeze. And his body was beginning to show other signs of being in the cold water too long. Signs that might affect his plans with Fox later today. 

"I'm begging ya here," John said. But none of them went away. 

Finally, he had to come out. He climbed out of the river. The water dripped out of his bathing suit and down his skinny legs. I can't tell you what his bathing suit looked like. It was too funny. 

Dana raised an eyebrow first, before she burst out laughing. 

The Lone Gunmen guffawed louder than they ever had before, even louder than they did when making pants jokes during their one hundredth viewing of Star Wars. 

Alex Krycek snickered. Monica laughed and even Fox couldn't stop himself from laughing. 

"What are you laughing at, Fox?" John asked. He could understand all the rest, but at least his boyfriend could have had the decency not to laugh at his bathing suit. Anyway, like Fox had a lot of room to talk. There were still lots of rumors going around the halls of the J. Edgar Hoover building about Fox's bathing suit. 

"I'm laughing at you, John," said Fox. "Because you really do look funny in your bathing suit." 

"Of course I do," said John. Then he picked up his clothes and went home. Without Fox.  
  

If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Rose Campion


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